Wess’ Super-New Blog Only 3/5 as funny as Obama’s

In an effort to "level the playing field,” the Jewish Cowboy plans to sue for 1/5 of the jokes on Barackobama.com under Affirmative Action, the Americans with Disabilities Act, or whatever. When asked for the basis for such a suit, Mr. Wayne, showing clear emotion, blurted out, ”I know I’m not funny…I know…But is that my fault? Why should Barack get to be so much funnier than me? He's got those ears! What I wouldn't give to look like Curious George too! It’s just not fair! Why is it the socialists who are so f-ing funny? And not just the Jewish ones. I mean, I want my share of comic genius; my piece of the pie...[sniff]."

In a related story: Yet another rider to the Iraq war funding bill, this time from the Ministry of Free Speech and Hurt Feelings. If the Ministry has its way, all Jewish, Christian, Asian, Gay, Hispanic, Black, and Muslim jokes would 1) have to be mandated as equally amusing, and 2) offend all aforementioned groups equally, or not at all. However, only those directed at the latter two groups would be considered racist or bigoted. And only Muslims would be permitted blow up people (or cars) they find offensive. (Non-muslim Black people would be limited to rioting, burning, window-smashing, and looting of their own neighborhoods). The intentioned result seems be to make all comedians suck as hard as Carlos Mencia. The Ministry would effectively coerce the marketplace-of-ideas into transforming, free speech into “free speech,” by combining the power of fear, with the apathy of boredom.

BTW, ever notice that Carlos doesn’t say too much about Islam? I don’t blame him. Thankfully, the cripples and retards are still fair game.

(But don’t mess with Crippletron or HandiMan!)

Finally, in an effort to appease his largely Infidel constituency, Senator John ’La Raza’ McCain has proposed to level the playing field even more with the introduction of a system of Terrorism Offset Credits, through which the right to kill masses of innocent civilians would be extended to everyone via trading on the Global Misery Market. McCain also hopes to pull votes from Barak Obama, by allowing Blacks to purchase TOCs at 3/5 of their market value.